Barbie Love

I saw this saying posted on someone's Facebook wall today and I had to make it my own. I changed the font, color, and of course added a Barbie. I may not know any little girls with cancer, but I do know that there are a lot of grown women with cancer who still love Barbie. Everyone is beautiful and everyone deserves to feel beautiful. :)

Ramblings from a Troubled Mind

My mind has been consumed lately with what seem to be the worries of the world. It has been a rough road for me. I kind of feel like I am just wandering around aimlessly. I am not sure why either and that is equally frustrating. I know that Heavenly Father has a plan for me and that if I keep doing the things I know I need to be doing He will bless me, but patience has never been my strong suit. I am an instant gratification kind of person and this feeling of having no direction or purpose kills me.

On a completely different note, I did have an experience last week that reminded me of how aware Heavenly Father is of me. My family and I went to see The Forgotten Carols. It was such a neat experience. I found myself in tears for most of it. The feelings of peace and love that I felt as I watched overwhelmed me. During that time I felt without a shadow of a doubt the love that Heavenly Father has for me. It was almost as if I had gotten my note for that day and it read, "I know you. I am aware of you. You can do this. And above all else, I love you."

Always in my heart

It's been 10 years. 10 years since I graduated from high school. 10 years since my first year of college. 10 years since the world changed forever. 10 years ago the world trade centers were attacked, altering the way we have always lived and the way we would live for the rest of time. As this time has come upon me I have spent a lot of time pondering the events of that day. Has it really changed me? Have I started to live the way I think I should? Did this event change my life???

Sadly, the answer to most of these questions is no. It is something that has influenced my thoughts and my heart, but have I internalized it like I should have? No. This is something that should have impacted everything in my life. Despite all of that, this time of year holds a tender place in my heart. As I sit and listen to a news station going over the events of that day 10 years ago, my heart and mind run through the gauntlet of emotions that I experienced that day. My heart aches for those who lost loved ones. Fear of the unknown penetrates my soul. The tears flow freely even 10 years later. The worries I harbored before that day seem inconsequential in retrospect.Even in the face of terror, the bonding that came from that event, lives in my heart. I learned to appreciate those who made my life what it is. My friends, my family, all of the men and women who go out every day to make sure that I get to keep the freedoms I have, and their families. Theirs is a hard job too. I learned to love again and I learned that it is the people that make life worth living.

I often think to myself as I see a soldier in uniform if they know how grateful I am. A little voice whispers in my head to thank them, even if I don't know them. As that thought comes and goes, I find myself watching as they go. An opportunity missed and a moment passed. Then I spend the rest of the night kicking myself. The job that they do is thankless. They go to work and do their job in silence. They do it because they believe in a better world. They do it because they love so much that they have to protect the rest of us. They do it because they are heroes. Silent and strong they go about their lives in a way that most people only dream of.

So, on this eve of September 11, 2011 I have have decided that instead of letting those moments pass me by, I am going to jump at every chance I get to let the brave men and women I know how grateful I am. Today I will: Thank every soldier I see. I will thank the police and the firemen. Because my heart is bursting with pride for the red, white, and blue and because I am grateful. Thank you to all of the military personal I know. You are all heroes. :)

Stumbling blocks or stepping stones...

Recently I decided that I was going to move to Virginia and go to Southern Virginia University. I was terrified. The thought of leaving left me nearly paralyzed with fear, but everything was falling into place so nicely that I couldn't deny that it was what I should be doing. Once I got used to the idea I started getting excited about it. I would be going back to my mission. A town that I loved and have wanted to go back to since I left it the first time. I knew the school and I knew the people. I finally started telling people I was leaving.

As things have gotten closer to the time I am supposed to leave a little problem has popped up. I am short on tuition money. I have been working like a mad woman to try and figure out how I am going to come up with it. So far, nothing has worked. Now I could look at this as a stumbling block or I could look at as a stepping stone. To be honest, I have looked at it as a stumbling block. I have been angry and bitter. I have been mad because things have worked fairly well well for my friend. I wondered what I did wrong to have it fall apart. I got really sick of hearing "everything will work out the way it is supposed to" and "you just have to trust Heavenly Father" and "you just need to have a better attitude". Truth is, I felt like a failure. I felt like I had let everyone down and I felt like everyone was going to look at me like I was just lying to them.

Deep down I knew the things everyone was telling me were true. I know that Heavenly Father has a plan for me. Do I know it is??? Nope. Does my faith falter??? Yup. Do I still get angry when I think about it sometimes??? Yup! Am I perfect??? Nope, no where close even. I am trying to go off the idea now that this is a stepping stone and not a stumbling block. I am trying to have faith that Heavenly Father has a reason for it not to work out for me right now. I am trying to trust Him and put it all in His hands. I am trying...

28 things I've learned... and a few I haven't.

As my 28th birthday was approaching I started to ponder all of the things I have learned this past year. It seemed like a challenge to come up with 28 at first, but as I thought I found it more difficult to limit myself to only 28. :) I apologize in advance because this is a long post.

So here are the things I've learned...

• No matter how hard I try or how much I want, I will never be just like my sister and that is okay.


• Those times when your mom seems like more than you can handle, just remember that everything she does is because she loves you. Hers is a thankless job with long hours and bad pay, so go easy on her and tell her you love her often.


• You will have many best friends throughout your life. Each one will bring something special to the table.


• Friends change and grow. Just because you don't spend as much time together doesn't mean you aren't friends.


• being an adult sometimes sucks. It is no where near as fun as Hollywood makes it seem.


• Disneyland can make anyone, no matter their age, feel like a child.


• Flying a kite and doing kitchen science projects will always be more fun than watching tv or playing video games.


• Sometimes it's okay to fight. As long as it is a fair fight.


• Bad self esteem isn't something that you can improve instantly. It took a long time to build bad self esteem. Logic says it will take a while to fix it.


• I can so anything I want as long as I don't give up.


• I am a cryer. It doesn't take a lot to make me cry and once I start it is sometimes difficult to stop.


• You can't force change on anyone. If someone doesn't want to change they never will.


• Some of the toughest people I know have the biggest hearts. Proving once again that you can't judge a book by it's cover.


• My family is AWESOME. How many other people will dress up like Harry Potter characters and go out in public looking silly.


• A nine year old boy is great entertainment even though slightly annoying at times.


• Birthdays aren't as much fun as an adult as they are as a kid.


• I am way better than I give myself credit for.


• I may not be the prettiest, smartest, or the most talented, but I am a daughter of God. A Heavenly Father who loves me just the way I am.


• I am glad I have a good relationship with my siblings. I would be very sad if I didn't.


• If you ever feel invisible or forgotten just post your birthday on Facebook. Then people come out of the woodwork to wish you happy birthday.


• I don't have to be popular. I just have to be me.


• There is always going to be something that stirs in my heart when I see a flag waving in the breeze or a soldier in uniform.


• I will always be a kid at heart.


• I am a nerd. I love books and movies and random useless knowledge.


• My life is made better by all of the wonderful people I know.


• If someone doesn't want you in their life it doesn't mean you should stop trying to include them in yours.


• Despite much protestation I always feel better when I look good.


• Worrying about the future doesn't do anything but give me wrinkles.

There are also some things I haven't learned...

• I haven't learned what it is like to have someone who looks at me and loves me and thinks I am beautiful and wants to spend eternity with.


• I haven't learned what I want to be when I grow up.


• I haven't learned how to be the person the Lord wants me to be or His plan for me.

As I embark on another year of life I look forward to all of the things I will learn. Who knows, maybe this will be the year that I learn some of the things that I haven't learned in years past.

The Thief Known as Time...

Lately it seems like I have been battling an intense thief. A thief so bold and brazen that he sneaks in and steals from you without you even noticing it. He isn't predjudice. He will steal from rich and poor, old and young, male and female. That thief is time. The clock is ticking closer and closer to my 28th birthday. 28!!!! I have been trying unsuccessfully to figure out where all of those years went. The only thing I can figure is that time stole them from me with no plans of ever giving them back. What a rotten thief.

Day 30. FINALLY!!!!!

Day thirty~ A photograph of yourself today + three good things that have happened in the past.

Okay so my picture isn't of me today, but it is the most recent picture of me that I have. This was last Saturday at the Sawtooth Relay. :)

Three good things that have happened to me in the past... Well, the first one is my car is fixed and working again. I hate not having a car. The whole relying on others thing kinda stinks.

The second one and this sounds terrible, but I got released from my calling. I was the FHE co-chair and it got to a point where I just didn't feel like anything I did was being helpful. I am now one of the gospel principles teachers. I love it. I love teaching.

The third one was lots of opportunities to serve and help out my friends and family these last two weeks. It has been so much fun. :)