Always in my heart

It's been 10 years. 10 years since I graduated from high school. 10 years since my first year of college. 10 years since the world changed forever. 10 years ago the world trade centers were attacked, altering the way we have always lived and the way we would live for the rest of time. As this time has come upon me I have spent a lot of time pondering the events of that day. Has it really changed me? Have I started to live the way I think I should? Did this event change my life???

Sadly, the answer to most of these questions is no. It is something that has influenced my thoughts and my heart, but have I internalized it like I should have? No. This is something that should have impacted everything in my life. Despite all of that, this time of year holds a tender place in my heart. As I sit and listen to a news station going over the events of that day 10 years ago, my heart and mind run through the gauntlet of emotions that I experienced that day. My heart aches for those who lost loved ones. Fear of the unknown penetrates my soul. The tears flow freely even 10 years later. The worries I harbored before that day seem inconsequential in retrospect.Even in the face of terror, the bonding that came from that event, lives in my heart. I learned to appreciate those who made my life what it is. My friends, my family, all of the men and women who go out every day to make sure that I get to keep the freedoms I have, and their families. Theirs is a hard job too. I learned to love again and I learned that it is the people that make life worth living.

I often think to myself as I see a soldier in uniform if they know how grateful I am. A little voice whispers in my head to thank them, even if I don't know them. As that thought comes and goes, I find myself watching as they go. An opportunity missed and a moment passed. Then I spend the rest of the night kicking myself. The job that they do is thankless. They go to work and do their job in silence. They do it because they believe in a better world. They do it because they love so much that they have to protect the rest of us. They do it because they are heroes. Silent and strong they go about their lives in a way that most people only dream of.

So, on this eve of September 11, 2011 I have have decided that instead of letting those moments pass me by, I am going to jump at every chance I get to let the brave men and women I know how grateful I am. Today I will: Thank every soldier I see. I will thank the police and the firemen. Because my heart is bursting with pride for the red, white, and blue and because I am grateful. Thank you to all of the military personal I know. You are all heroes. :)