A brief interlude....

Okay, I know that this isn't part of my 30 day blogging challenge (which by the way has turned into more of a 3 month challenge) but I had something I need to get out so that it doesn't just fester. Okay, this is going to sound kind of stupid, but I have to give a bit of backstory. There is a guy that I like and for a while now I have been refering to him as my pretend boyfriend. He has no clue and it's gonna stay that way. Well, today my friend who is absolutely beautiful, said she wanted to ask him out, just to see what he would say. Am I bothered by that??? Yeah, but not so much for the reasons you think I would be. What really bothers me is that I know I have no shot with him. First of all, I am no where brave enough to even approach him about it. Secondly, I know I am not pretty enough for him. Or skinny enough for that matter. I told my friend she should do it. She said she didn't want to hurt my feelings and I kind of lied and said it wouldn't hurt them. After all, I told her, you have more of a shot than I could ever dream of. So am I hurt??? Yeah. Am I mad??? Yeah. I am mad that I am not the kind of girl he would be interested in. I'm not skinny and pretty. I am mad that I am not willing to stand up for myself and go after the things I want. I am mad that I am a chicken...

So dear friend, and you know who you are, should you happen upon this and read it, it in no way changes my previous statements to you. That dye has been cast and I can't take it back. I may seem mad, but please know that I am not mad at you. I am mad at me...