Recently I decided that I was going to move to Virginia and go to Southern Virginia University. I was terrified. The thought of leaving left me nearly paralyzed with fear, but everything was falling into place so nicely that I couldn't deny that it was what I should be doing. Once I got used to the idea I started getting excited about it. I would be going back to my mission. A town that I loved and have wanted to go back to since I left it the first time. I knew the school and I knew the people. I finally started telling people I was leaving.
As things have gotten closer to the time I am supposed to leave a little problem has popped up. I am short on tuition money. I have been working like a mad woman to try and figure out how I am going to come up with it. So far, nothing has worked. Now I could look at this as a stumbling block or I could look at as a stepping stone. To be honest, I have looked at it as a stumbling block. I have been angry and bitter. I have been mad because things have worked fairly well well for my friend. I wondered what I did wrong to have it fall apart. I got really sick of hearing "everything will work out the way it is supposed to" and "you just have to trust Heavenly Father" and "you just need to have a better attitude". Truth is, I felt like a failure. I felt like I had let everyone down and I felt like everyone was going to look at me like I was just lying to them.
Deep down I knew the things everyone was telling me were true. I know that Heavenly Father has a plan for me. Do I know it is??? Nope. Does my faith falter??? Yup. Do I still get angry when I think about it sometimes??? Yup! Am I perfect??? Nope, no where close even. I am trying to go off the idea now that this is a stepping stone and not a stumbling block. I am trying to have faith that Heavenly Father has a reason for it not to work out for me right now. I am trying to trust Him and put it all in His hands. I am trying...
